Two people meet, they fall in love - that occurs, in a multitude of various ways, thousands of times all over the world. Then, if they're good and everything goes well, they determine that since they love each other so much, they want to stop together and share a house.
Now, for wedded as well as divorced couples, they have to set to a new situation: Every-day-life decisions count on two people's opinions, preferences and wants alternatively of one before. In single life, one's the only instance of conclusion on what party to go to, when to clean the place, what to wear, what to eat and where to go on vacation.
And this independence, being an advantage in the situations portrayed above, can turn into a trouble when it comes to living together. Suddenly, determinations need to be checked upon by both parties, and compromises have to be made. Especially in the first time of living together, those incompatibilities can lead to the actions described above.
In the adaptation point, both need to be conscious of those attainable dangers and honour each other's difficultness in getting along with the new place. Some Other, the feeling of love and closeness that started the wish to live together is bit by bit replaced with a feeling of rejection.
The brilliant response on being criticized, misconstrued or in any other way "attacked" is to defend oneself. If you're habituated to make decisions alone, without considering another, maybe divergent opinion, you might feel assaulted when your partner doesn't share your line of thoughts or wishes. The worst, but unfortunately most common, because instinctively made, reaction is to "fight back".
For example: You need to go to a party. Your mate wants to go out for dinner. So your premier feeling is being "attacked": Why does your partner refuse your proposal, what's wrong with it? So the instinctive reaction, from a feeling of defeat and defiance, is to "fight back": A pointed remark, pointed at the partner's proposal and aimed to hurt, seems to be the proper answer.
In order to head off a situation where the only choices are professional person advice or divorce, some guidelines can help keeping things from going that far to the bad side.
Control yourself. By discovering your reactions and the resulting stress between you and your partner, you'll be able to easily isolate the kind of feeling that makes you respond sharp and offending. So once you know where your weakness lies, keep yourself from responding at once upon those triggers.
Think twice, and consider if your ego (nothing else you're pleasing with a sharp reply) is worth suffering your beloved one. In most situations, a second of silence is enough to make you regret the answer you would have given. Don't get it wrong, it doesn't mean you always have to step back. There are situations when a confrontation is needed - you just have to learn how to separate them.
Think Over on your words. Suppose the same situation, just with transformed roles. Of course, you have to be so common to admit if you would be hurt in your partner's place. Now that you imagined the affect your reaction would have on yourself, think twice again if it's worth it.
Remain cool. The worst things are said and done in angriness. If you focus on what you want to attain, there is mostly a better way than a bad verbal or even physical reaction.
Be ready to share responsibility. Especially for single parents, it's difficult to get used to unsuspecting someone else again. But without trust, your relationship won't last.
Be realistic. When you move together with another person, that means that your way of life will radically change. Your Independence will be replaced by interdependence: You'll be less on your own, but generally with our spouse.
Take this cautiously, and if you think that you're not prepared for it, tell your partner - before it's too gone. - 15615
Now, for wedded as well as divorced couples, they have to set to a new situation: Every-day-life decisions count on two people's opinions, preferences and wants alternatively of one before. In single life, one's the only instance of conclusion on what party to go to, when to clean the place, what to wear, what to eat and where to go on vacation.
And this independence, being an advantage in the situations portrayed above, can turn into a trouble when it comes to living together. Suddenly, determinations need to be checked upon by both parties, and compromises have to be made. Especially in the first time of living together, those incompatibilities can lead to the actions described above.
In the adaptation point, both need to be conscious of those attainable dangers and honour each other's difficultness in getting along with the new place. Some Other, the feeling of love and closeness that started the wish to live together is bit by bit replaced with a feeling of rejection.
The brilliant response on being criticized, misconstrued or in any other way "attacked" is to defend oneself. If you're habituated to make decisions alone, without considering another, maybe divergent opinion, you might feel assaulted when your partner doesn't share your line of thoughts or wishes. The worst, but unfortunately most common, because instinctively made, reaction is to "fight back".
For example: You need to go to a party. Your mate wants to go out for dinner. So your premier feeling is being "attacked": Why does your partner refuse your proposal, what's wrong with it? So the instinctive reaction, from a feeling of defeat and defiance, is to "fight back": A pointed remark, pointed at the partner's proposal and aimed to hurt, seems to be the proper answer.
In order to head off a situation where the only choices are professional person advice or divorce, some guidelines can help keeping things from going that far to the bad side.
Control yourself. By discovering your reactions and the resulting stress between you and your partner, you'll be able to easily isolate the kind of feeling that makes you respond sharp and offending. So once you know where your weakness lies, keep yourself from responding at once upon those triggers.
Think twice, and consider if your ego (nothing else you're pleasing with a sharp reply) is worth suffering your beloved one. In most situations, a second of silence is enough to make you regret the answer you would have given. Don't get it wrong, it doesn't mean you always have to step back. There are situations when a confrontation is needed - you just have to learn how to separate them.
Think Over on your words. Suppose the same situation, just with transformed roles. Of course, you have to be so common to admit if you would be hurt in your partner's place. Now that you imagined the affect your reaction would have on yourself, think twice again if it's worth it.
Remain cool. The worst things are said and done in angriness. If you focus on what you want to attain, there is mostly a better way than a bad verbal or even physical reaction.
Be ready to share responsibility. Especially for single parents, it's difficult to get used to unsuspecting someone else again. But without trust, your relationship won't last.
Be realistic. When you move together with another person, that means that your way of life will radically change. Your Independence will be replaced by interdependence: You'll be less on your own, but generally with our spouse.
Take this cautiously, and if you think that you're not prepared for it, tell your partner - before it's too gone. - 15615
