Sunday, March 1, 2009

Online Dating - Remember You Are Allowed To Have Fun

By Jayde Johanssen

There is so much information about dating and internet dating out there. Everyone is an expert. Have you noticed though most of the advice is all doom and gloom. How to avoid this disaster, how to recognise that scam. It can't be that hard, all you are doing after all is trying to meet someone.

So I am writing today to remind you dating isn't all about danger, or scammers, it's just meeting people. You are trying to meet people whose company you can enjoy. So here are my 3 big tips on how you can date using web based tools AND have fun.

Firstly, think about what you are doing. Most people jump straight into any old dating site, meet a million people and never really get anywhere as these people don't have anything relevant to offer. So be a little different here and think about who you want to date and the experiences you want to share. Write it down if you like, to keep you on the straight and narrow.

You will get a lot of advice from people when you start to go down this route. IGNORE them. They have all kinds of different and irrelevant motivations for giving you their advice. You are the only one who knows what is right for you right now though.

Listen to yourself, and be true to yourself. You'll be ok. Specific dates and relationships may not work, but this is your journey to have, they are your mistakes and successes to have, they are your experiences to learn from, laugh and cry about.

Tip 2. Having noted the type of person and experience you want, only go to dating sites which cater for those specifics. Ignore the general dating sites that attract every man and his dog, only join niche ones which attract the people you are looking for. That is, use the dating site itself to qualify your potential dates.

If you know who you are looking for and join up at a regular dating site, you are going to have to deal with all the people you don't want to meet, before you find the people you do want to meet. All those profiles and emails you will have to waste time on. Why bother when you can cut many people you do not want to meet out of the equation, simply by joining a website which has already done it for you. For example, if you want to meet someone of christian faith, you can join a christian dating site and not deal with non-christians. If you love Asian culture and that is high on your list, join an Asian dating site. If you are looking for a fast paced steamy experience, an adult dating site is the answer. Or a more sophisticated experience, maybe a site which caters to the wealthy is the one for you. Each of these niche dating sites appeal to a certain type of person and experience and filters out others. This should make your life easier.

My third and final tip is to always keep it safe. You'll never have a fun time if you're not feeling safe. So apply common sense and your own set of safety precautions to all real life dating experiences.

Dating has a number of stages, online dating adds a few extra stages. Each is a natural progression of "opening up" as trust is built. It starts with emails. Once trust is built, telephone numbers can be exchanged. Then when trust is built, dates in public places. Then, as more trust is built, private time together. There is no standard time scale for running through these progressions, its however fast the couple in the situation want it to be. If for any reason though, trust has not been built at one of the stages, do not progress to the next level of intimacy until it does. How can you ever feel safe if the trust doesn't exit?

Once you meet someone who has passed all your "online tests", have some fun with them and get to know them. Remember though, you are only starting to get to know them now. You can never really get to know someone online, so continue to apply common sense in the early stages of the relationship.

Hopefully that will help with your internet dating experience. Remember, for greater success, keep it simple, specific and safe. Good luck. - 15615

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