Arguably one of the most difficult things we will ever do in our lives is saving a relationship. These moments are highly charged with emotion and consequently we run the risks of saying and doing things that we will probably regret later. As such, we realize just how easily can we lose the person we love forever.
Often, what feels like the "right" thing to do emotionally turns out to be the "wrong" thing to do in reality. Think of the stock market -- when everyone sells, the right thing to do is buy but since emotions overule logic, we make the same mistakes that bad investors make. Although calling our ex and telling him or her that we still love them and miss them might feel right to do emotionally, it is actually the wrong thing to do. In fact, we should take a contrarian, or counterintuitive approach to saving a relationship.
In the past, I have written that one of the first things you should do when you are the victim of a break up is accept the decision. Let your ex know that you appreciate the decision that was made and that you realize just how important your freedom is to you. Say this with as positive a tone as possible. This will be a difficult task, but it is one of the basic, essential steps to saving a relationship.
In keeping with the counterintuitive steps, the next thing you must do is stop communicating with your ex. Taking this next step will have two great effects. The first is that give your ex some time alone to wonder why you were so compliant about the break-up. Plus, your ex will wonder why you had such a great, positive attitude about the whole thing. The image in your ex's mind will be of a happy, free single. And this was probably how you met; as a happy and free single! This image will result in memories of the good times (a good thing).
The second result is that your ex will no longer have to justify why the break-up happened as he or she will be too preoccupied with why you are so happy about your freedom. This time alone not only allows your ex to miss you, but it provides a distraction. This is one of the greatest keys to saving a relationship because your ex will no longer be focused on the negative (what led your ex to break up in the first place) but will be remembering all of the positive aspects of your relationship. And since communication has been cut off, your ex may start to panic and wonder why the break up ever happened.
The two counterintuitive steps above provide a basic foundation for saving a relationship. These steps are both difficult to take and require a fair amount of trust in the strength of your relationship. But if it's worth anything, consider that most folks are averse to change. It is in our nature to tolerate mediocrity in our relationship than to seek out someone new. - 15615
Often, what feels like the "right" thing to do emotionally turns out to be the "wrong" thing to do in reality. Think of the stock market -- when everyone sells, the right thing to do is buy but since emotions overule logic, we make the same mistakes that bad investors make. Although calling our ex and telling him or her that we still love them and miss them might feel right to do emotionally, it is actually the wrong thing to do. In fact, we should take a contrarian, or counterintuitive approach to saving a relationship.
In the past, I have written that one of the first things you should do when you are the victim of a break up is accept the decision. Let your ex know that you appreciate the decision that was made and that you realize just how important your freedom is to you. Say this with as positive a tone as possible. This will be a difficult task, but it is one of the basic, essential steps to saving a relationship.
In keeping with the counterintuitive steps, the next thing you must do is stop communicating with your ex. Taking this next step will have two great effects. The first is that give your ex some time alone to wonder why you were so compliant about the break-up. Plus, your ex will wonder why you had such a great, positive attitude about the whole thing. The image in your ex's mind will be of a happy, free single. And this was probably how you met; as a happy and free single! This image will result in memories of the good times (a good thing).
The second result is that your ex will no longer have to justify why the break-up happened as he or she will be too preoccupied with why you are so happy about your freedom. This time alone not only allows your ex to miss you, but it provides a distraction. This is one of the greatest keys to saving a relationship because your ex will no longer be focused on the negative (what led your ex to break up in the first place) but will be remembering all of the positive aspects of your relationship. And since communication has been cut off, your ex may start to panic and wonder why the break up ever happened.
The two counterintuitive steps above provide a basic foundation for saving a relationship. These steps are both difficult to take and require a fair amount of trust in the strength of your relationship. But if it's worth anything, consider that most folks are averse to change. It is in our nature to tolerate mediocrity in our relationship than to seek out someone new. - 15615
About the Author:
Samantha Fulcher is the Relationship Advisor for The Match Maker Review. For tips on how to get your ex back, visit Help Get My Ex Back.
