Friday, January 23, 2009

Just divorced dating can be risky

By Agony Aunt

The general rule-of-thumb is the best way to solve problems is to prevent them. This is best accomplished by knowing in advance what risks you may encounter, so that you may either avoid or deal with them.

Dating is supposed to be fun, it doesn't have to lead to any long term commitments it can just be fun for both parties. When you are newly divorced it can be very hard to realize it is all about having fun. Having fun is a big part of recovering your real self after the stress of a divorce.

There is always some degree of emotional distress connected to leaving a marriage, but except in circumstances of extreme abuse which necessitate a modicum of professional help, the focus should be on moving on with your life, not prolonging the emotional ties to your previous marriage or your former spouse.

Unfortunately, one area where your emotional vulnerability can present a serious problem is that there are always those who are willing to take advantage of it. For some, it is as if they can sense such vulnerability, and have no reservations about exploiting it for their own ends. This in itself is a good enough reason to begin your dating with people you already know, or those who are known to your friends or family.

One additional, and very important, means of safeguarding yourself from being exploited is to keep the focus of casual dating on the word 'casual;' you are keeping your best interests in mind if your social life does not include filling your dates in on details about your marriage, former spouse, or other personal information.

Sometimes your casual date will try and pry information of a more personal nature, sometimes it may be a genuinely caring behavior but usually it is just a form of nosiness. There are also some people who enjoy hearing about other peoples misery, be careful of these people as they will sometimes try and create drama in their lives and if you are dating them that means your life as well.

We are all different , it can be difficult to know what is correct conversation with different people. Some people get offended at things that others have no problem with at all, it is usually safe to say that you shouldn't speak about money. Discussing how much , or how little, either of you earns is not a good way to keep your relationship at the casual stage.

It is easy to slip into the trap of pouring out your problems to your date, especially if they are a person who shows empathy for you and they may have been through a similar situation themselves so they appear to understand what you have been through. While it is understandable, it is not productive to keep on going over old problems with someone who you have just met. - 15615

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