Dating disasters are a part of life. They are caused by a failure of our expectations to match up with reality. This sounds like a mouthful, but its not really. When we date, we are looking for someone who matches our expectations. Someone who we can have a relationship with. When a "potential" fails massively in this regard, a dating disaster is the result.
The dangers of dating have existed forever. They are not new because the internet age has arrived. They exist because dating exposes you to people you don't really know yet. Its as simple as that
Fortunately, most dating disasters are pretty safe. They only cost you a bit of time and for that time you learn something about yourself. (at the very least you'll learn that you don't like certain characteristics or behaviors) Occasionally though a dating disaster can be dangerous, putting your person or property at risk. It is these dating disasters that we hear about most often.
Unfortunately, sometimes these stories are so bad (they possibly get worse through the embellishment of story telling) that they put people off looking for love. Loneliness is one of the greatest injuries a dating disaster can cause.
Recently (as compared to the history of dating) the internet arrived. There is something that many people don't understand about dating and the internet though. When the internet came to dating, nothing changed regarding these dangers. All the internet did was bring to you a new method of meeting people. Internet dating is just a computerised introductions service.
Many people don't have the sense to understand this though. As such, when using the internet and dating sites to meet people, the following two mistakes are common:
1. You think internet dating is actually dating. That is, you forget you only really get to know someone once you meet them in real life and spend time with them.
2. When things go wrong, you blame the internet as the medium, rather than the fact that the person you were dating was just wrong for you. Thats where such sayings as "He must have been a freak, that's why he is on the internet" come from.
At some niche dating websites, finding a bed mate rather than a soul mate is the goal. On these dating sites the two issues above are exaccerbated. When all someone wants is sex, they don't want to get to know you, they don't particularly care that you don't know them. So they will hide from you the characteristics they think you don't want to see and only give you what they believe you do want to see. This is not dating. So don't expect the norms of dating to apply.
Internet dating sites are the modern form of a newspaper ad, the olden days social event, or the blind date set up. Its a forum to meet people. Thats all. The quicker you understands this, the safer and more successful your internet dating experiences will be.
At Dating Down Under, we recommend everyone uses the following 6 guidelines to ensure safety when dating and using the internet as a medium for meeting people. We believe these 6 steps will ensure your dating experiences will be safe and give you the best chance at finding a successful match.
1. Recognise that internet dating is only an introductions service. While communicating with email, chat and IM may be fun, it is NOT getting to know someone.
2. Recognise niche websites attract the personalities they advertise for. If you don't like certain personalities, don't join the sites which attract such people.
3. Use the communication features of dating sites to screen people before you give them your contacts. But recognise this is just a screening process, not getting to know anyone.
4. When you are ready to meet someone in the real world, apply your usual "blind date" precautions to this meeting. Those internet chat sessions were not a date, this is your first date.
5. If you are ever unsure, particularly in the early stages, put safety first.
6. When you have a bad dating experience, learn from it but don't give up. Don't forsake your long term happiness because you met one bad apple. There are plenty of good people out there. - 15615
The dangers of dating have existed forever. They are not new because the internet age has arrived. They exist because dating exposes you to people you don't really know yet. Its as simple as that
Fortunately, most dating disasters are pretty safe. They only cost you a bit of time and for that time you learn something about yourself. (at the very least you'll learn that you don't like certain characteristics or behaviors) Occasionally though a dating disaster can be dangerous, putting your person or property at risk. It is these dating disasters that we hear about most often.
Unfortunately, sometimes these stories are so bad (they possibly get worse through the embellishment of story telling) that they put people off looking for love. Loneliness is one of the greatest injuries a dating disaster can cause.
Recently (as compared to the history of dating) the internet arrived. There is something that many people don't understand about dating and the internet though. When the internet came to dating, nothing changed regarding these dangers. All the internet did was bring to you a new method of meeting people. Internet dating is just a computerised introductions service.
Many people don't have the sense to understand this though. As such, when using the internet and dating sites to meet people, the following two mistakes are common:
1. You think internet dating is actually dating. That is, you forget you only really get to know someone once you meet them in real life and spend time with them.
2. When things go wrong, you blame the internet as the medium, rather than the fact that the person you were dating was just wrong for you. Thats where such sayings as "He must have been a freak, that's why he is on the internet" come from.
At some niche dating websites, finding a bed mate rather than a soul mate is the goal. On these dating sites the two issues above are exaccerbated. When all someone wants is sex, they don't want to get to know you, they don't particularly care that you don't know them. So they will hide from you the characteristics they think you don't want to see and only give you what they believe you do want to see. This is not dating. So don't expect the norms of dating to apply.
Internet dating sites are the modern form of a newspaper ad, the olden days social event, or the blind date set up. Its a forum to meet people. Thats all. The quicker you understands this, the safer and more successful your internet dating experiences will be.
At Dating Down Under, we recommend everyone uses the following 6 guidelines to ensure safety when dating and using the internet as a medium for meeting people. We believe these 6 steps will ensure your dating experiences will be safe and give you the best chance at finding a successful match.
1. Recognise that internet dating is only an introductions service. While communicating with email, chat and IM may be fun, it is NOT getting to know someone.
2. Recognise niche websites attract the personalities they advertise for. If you don't like certain personalities, don't join the sites which attract such people.
3. Use the communication features of dating sites to screen people before you give them your contacts. But recognise this is just a screening process, not getting to know anyone.
4. When you are ready to meet someone in the real world, apply your usual "blind date" precautions to this meeting. Those internet chat sessions were not a date, this is your first date.
5. If you are ever unsure, particularly in the early stages, put safety first.
6. When you have a bad dating experience, learn from it but don't give up. Don't forsake your long term happiness because you met one bad apple. There are plenty of good people out there. - 15615
About the Author:
Jayde Johanssen, worried about incidences of online dating predators, promotes safety primarily with online dating, particularly at adult dating sites
